Three and a Half Men?
by imdrowninginfootwear
Summary: Michael and Sucre are rich and invite Lincoln and LJ to move in with them. What happens when Sucre and LJ spend some family bonding time?
1. NOW DADDY NOW!

"Wow! A mansion, you two must be pretty great porn stars," Lincoln Burrows said to his younger brother over the phone.

"Yeah, not many of us have as great of chemistry as me and Sucre," Michael responded proudly, "You should see it. In fact I'm renting it so we can all watch it together tonight!"

"Err . . . no thanks I'll pass . . . that's one sight I do not want to see," Lincoln said disgust at the offer.

"Well Sucre and I have been thinking…" Michael said. "And we want you and LJ to move in with us. After all we've been through, it just seems right for us to stay close."

"Umm… I'm not sure I want my son to live with gay porn stars. And LJ doesn't know about this yet," Lincoln said.

"Oh and if we were straight porn stars, that would be okay?" Michael said. "Because we did some straight stuff too. We're just primarily gay. We're bi."

"I still don't know," Lincoln said.

"Come on, what teenage boy _wouldn't _want to live in a mansion?"

"Yeah, Dad. What teenage boy wouldn't want to live in a mansion?" LJ asked.

"LJ… how long have you been on this line?" Lincoln asked.

"Since Uncle Mike said we could live in a mansion!" LJ said. "Oh, and since he said he was bi. But don't worry, I won't tell if we get to live in the mansion!"

Sucre picked up the phone and said in a whiny voice, "Michael, when are you coming back to bed?"

"I'm a little busy right now," Michael said.

LJ said, "Wait, we're going to have to live with _that_ guy?"

"LJ hang up the phone," Lincoln said.

"Fine," LJ said as he hung up. "But I want to live in the mansion."

"You, too, Sucre," said Michael.

"But Michael!" Sucre whined some more.

"If you don't hang up, I won't sleep with you for a week!"

"How does that work with our job?" Sucre asked as he angrily slammed the phone down.

"Look, I think that if you can hide you and Sucre's 'professional' and personal love life, maybe it would be good for LJ to get to know Sucre," Lincoln said. "I mean did you hear the way he talked about him?"

"Yeah," Michael said glumly.

LJ picked the phone back up and yelled. "I WANT A MANSION NOW DADDY!" And then immediately hung up again.

He did this four more times within the next three minutes and each time added another NOW DADDY to the end.

"On second thought," said Lincoln. "Maybe he doesn't need a mansion."

"There's certainly something wrong with that kid," said Michael, "I'll make you a deal . . . if you two move in I'll fund his therapy!" And by the end of this sentence he was very enthusiastic.

"Well he is going to need a lot of therapy . . ." Lincoln pondered, "So I guess sure!"

"YAY! MANSION! MANSION! MANSION! FOUR GUYS IN A MANSION!" LJ screamed into the phone loud enough to harm the two brothers hearing.

"When the . . . fudge . . . did you get back on the phone?" Lincoln asked his son censoring himself.

"I got the fuck on the phone right before you agreed to the mansion . . . MANSION! MANSION! MANSION! YEAH!" LJ screamed.

"That's it you're grounded, you are going to women's group therapy every day from now on!" Lincoln screamed.

"Oh boy, maybe I'll meet a hottie, the crazies are the fun ones," said LJ, "I can't wait to tell them about my mansion!"

"Damnit!" Screamed Lincoln.

"I'm just going to . . . um . . . go," Michael stuttered feeling very awkwardly.

And that's how Lincoln, Sucre, LJ, and Michael all became one dysfunctional family.

**A/N: ****Future chapters will involve LJ and Sucre's . . . 'family bonding.' Hope you like it. If you think I should continue please review! Thanks! :D**


	2. Why did they choose to save LJ?

"YAY! YAY! YAY! LOOK AT THIS MANSION DADDY!" LJ screamed in Lincoln's ear as his truck pulled into a fancy parking lot.

"Shut up," Lincoln said glaring at his son, "Now remember to thank your uncle for letting you live here, and be on your best behaviour. If you make a scene about Sucre again I swear to god . . ."

Lincoln was planning on finishing his sentence but Michael and Sucre had just walked out of the mansion causing LJ to bolt out of the car and tackle his uncle.

"THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU UNCA MIKEY! I LOVE MANSIONS!" LJ screamed as he clung to Michael with his arms around his next.

Lincoln had just walked over and was loudly clearing his throat trying to get his son to thank Sucre and get the hell out of Michael's arms.

LJ jumped down irritated and turned to Sucre and said, "Fuck you Sucre, I always liked Sara better!"

Lincoln glared at LJ while Sucre held back tears, but LJ didn't care he was already running in the door screaming, "I'M GOING TO GO FIND MY ROOM SEE YOU LATER DADDY!"

"But you have to help unload the car!" Lincoln screamed, only it was too late his son had already ran up the stairs.

Lincoln ran up the stairs after him, but after searching the whole mansion with no luck Lincoln decided to go unload without him.

"Sorry about this, but we have to go to work now, we'll help you unload later," Michael said as he walked out the door with Sucre.

Before Lincoln had time to respond the couple was gone. Lincoln had to return the rental pick-up truck he had used to haul furniture over by 5:00. It was already 4:00.

After an hour and a half of hard work Lincoln had finally emptied the truck. He looked down at his watch and saw that he was supposed to have the truck back half an hour and immediately drove off without one thought wondering where the hell his son had run off to.

When he got to the rental place he had to pay double for bringing the car back late because someone was supposed to be using that car right after him.

Needless to say Lincoln was super pissed and tired by the time he finally got back. He was going to have to yell at LJ . . . that is if he ever found out where the hell he was . . . but he really just needed a nap right now.

As soon as Lincoln walked into his room filled with boxes LJ jumped out from the private washroom which was attached to the room.

"Hey Daddy! Can you drive me to the mall?" He asked in a hyper voice as he jumped up and down on Lincoln's bed.

"No! I just had to go unload all of our crap by myself because you ran off to who knows where and-" Lincoln ranted before he was interrupted.

"Oh, I jumped out the window when I saw a hot girl tanning in her backyard next door. I was spying on her for two hours, and then someone called her and she agreed to meet them at the mall. So can I have some money for when you drop me off at the mall?" LJ asked while raising his hand out waiting for money.

"_Me_ give _you_ money? First off you are not going to the mall! And second you're the one who should be giving me money! Because you were busy spying on the neighbour I brought the rental truck back late and had to pay double!" Lincoln screamed in disgust.

Lincoln stormed downstairs with LJ following right behind him.

There was a noise of the front door closing and Michael screaming, "We're home!"

LJ immediately ran over to his uncle and started asking to be taken to the mall and asking for money.

"Here's some money, but why don't you go with Sucre, you two could use some bonding time!" Michael said good-naturedly.

"But Michael-" Sucre began to whine before Michael swiftly kicked him in the shins.

"Well alright, but only because the girl next door is so good looking, unlike Sucre . . ." LJ trailed off when he saw the look in his father's eyes.

**A/N: Sorry this took so long to update! Please review if you like this story otherwise I might not feel like updating very soon. I hope you like this story!**


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